I am a modern day woman. By that I mean I do not idly sit and watch. I am a doer…a leader.
I was a helicopter mechanic in the United States Army. I can fix shit. I like to tinker…and problem solve. I like learning new things. I like trying things…even if I fail.
I don’t get the whole “I AM MAN” mentality. Especially in this day and age! Why aren’t my ideas probable. Why do men feel so friggin’ threatened by a woman who can do the things they can? I’m not better, but am just as capable!
While pulling weeds today, one of my darling daughters put her foot through a basement window. Since my darling husband was working 12 hours today, after I begrudgingly let three of my kids go with their biological female, I ran to the hardware store and picked up everything we were going to need to replace the broken window. Know what…no one had to tell me what to buy.
My dad had come over while I was at work to make sure what I thought I needed (single pane of glass, window glazing and glazing points) was in fact the case. Well, that and to make sure the kids weren’t killing each other.
My point is simply this. I had everything my darling husband needed to make the repair. I could have made the repair, but was dealing with kids and playing taxi mom. My darling husband likes to make repairs, so I thought I was helping by having everything ready for him when he came home. Problem was, while watching him make the repair, I made the mistake of opening my mouth to make a suggesting when the pane of glass wasn’t going into place.
When you see someone you love struggling, its your natural instinct to try and help. My help is not that of a person who has no experience in building, fixing or repairing things. With a few simple words my husband was able to crushed me and infuriate me. He did not yell or scream, but the simple act of a few spoken words, left me feeling like I was a subordinate instead of an equal.
I was mad at my darling husband…but now even more so at my self for letting someone make me feel that way period. I know what I am capable of. I know what I can do, why did I let this wound me so deeply? Because it came from someone who I love and respect.
I’m sure I’ve done the same thing to him before, so I know I just need to breathe and let it go until later tonight when I’ll be able to express myself in a calm and appropriate manner. Yeah, inside I am screaming and cussing and stomping my feet, but I know doing that on the outside won’t help, so I’m going to post this rant, take a shower and try to chill out before I talk to the man I love and remind him that we are on the same team and I was only trying to help. I need to let him know how his words made me feel. If I feel like I’ve been heard, then at least I can move forward.
After all…life is about moving forward, not rooting yourself in protest.